In my younger and considerably fitter days I made an art out of escaping from hospital. Sometimes it was as easy as hopping over a fence and strolling nonchalantly in the other direction before making a mad dash for home.Other times it was a little more complex. Once, whilst on a 1:1 (whereby you have a nurse with you at all times) I got out of a sash window by cutting the ropes, hopped onto a flat roof, down a drainpipe, over a ten foot gate. And home. Where of course they were waiting for me. In retrospect the front door would have been easier. Another time I did make it through the front door – a fight on the ward had distracted the staff- got home, got my car and drove up the M6 to Scotland. Once there I pulled over somewhere and thought ‘what the fuck am I going to do now.’ So I turned round and drove home again. Once back here I thought I would be clever and leave my car on a friend’s driveway (it was 4.00 o’clock in the morning). I figured that if they came to the house and didn’t see the car then they would think I was elsewhere. The consultant didn’t fall for that one.
At some stage he got so fed up with me running off that he transferred me to the locked unit which was an interesting experience. I was the only women with 13 men for company, most of whom havd been transferred from the prison.
My bids for freedom are somewhat put in the shade by others I knew. One smuggled herself off the ward in a laundry basket and somehow made it up to the Orkneys.But track her down they did. Another recently made it to Jamaica where she ended up in a psychiatric hospital in Kingston. She returned pretty sharpish.A 3rd I know rushed away from her escort in the hospital grounds, rushed onto the main rd and stopped the traffic. She leapt in some poor and confused man’s car and got him to drive her to the main bus route into town. She hops on the bus without any money (and no shoes) and makes a beeline for the Hyatt Regency. She gets herself chucked out of there for throwing a drink over someone and then wanders in and out of night clubs dancing wildly before making it to a friend’s house where she was picked up by the police.
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